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19. Discipline: The Key to Overcoming Self-Sabotage with Dan Whaley

/ 01:14:21/E19
Crystal:

Do you feel like everything around you is crumbling? Maybe you're saying words like, I don't have time for that or I can't do that. In this episode, we meet with Dan Whaley to talk about the importance of discipline and overcoming self sabotage.

Dan Whaley:

The green check mark in your phone, it's like, there's really no satisfaction in that.

Crystal:

Yep. No. Unless you gamify your to do list. Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

The same thing with, like, the same thing with, like, journals. You know, like, when I'm journaling, writing it in a in pen and paper. Yeah. Call me a

Crystal:

mental toll. Yeah. Yeah. Love it.

Eric:

Okay. So today so we're talking about discipline and self sabotage with hints of self self sabotage in it. Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

Positive attitudes.

Eric:

Positive attitudes. Alright.

Dan Whaley:

Recognition. I'm just actually gonna finish through your business.

Eric:

Yep. Yep. Alright. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Business Boost Hour podcast.

Eric:

My name is Eric Beals, and I'm the vice president of BNI Escondido.

Crystal:

And my name is Crystal Prevette. I am the president of BNI Escondido. And today, we have Dan Whaley. Welcome, Dan. Thanks for joining us.

Dan Whaley:

Hi, Dan. Yeah. Thanks for thanks for having me. This is, it's been a long time coming.

Eric:

Alright. So, Dan, Dan is our fitness coach in our b and I chapter. And so, Dan, could you kind of introduce yourself, briefly and kind of, like, just explain kind of what exactly that that that you do? Just tell people who who, who you are.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. Of course. Yeah. So my name is Dan, Dan Whaley. I'm a fitness coach.

Dan Whaley:

I've been doing this for about two and a half years now. And and just kind of my journey to this point was, you know, as a child, I grew up obese. I grew up, almost two hundred and seventy five pounds as a 15 year old kid, and and, I knew that that wasn't the life that I really wanted to live. So I had lost a 20 pounds, packed on 20 pounds of muscle, and, you know, kind of, I felt great at that point. You know, I was like, wow, this is like, I've really stepped into my power here.

Dan Whaley:

And then I turned 21, 20 two, and I started getting into alcohol, started getting into drugs and just going down the wrong path. And it was only through health and fitness that I was able to overcome that. And I was like, this message needs to get out because there's so many people struggling out there. I was like, this this people need to know that if you step into yourself and you truly work on yourself and you do the deep work, you know, not just physically, but, like, emotionally, mentally as well, My goodness. Like, you're going to feel amazing, and that's going to bleed into all other aspects of your life.

Dan Whaley:

So that's when I was like, this message needs to get out to the world. Yeah. Yeah.

Eric:

I know.

Dan Whaley:

And, and that's when I became a fitness coach, you know, through my best friend and business partner now. He got me into this space, and, you know, I thank him for I wouldn't be here without him.

Crystal:

Shout out Thomas.

Dan Whaley:

Shout out Thomas Padilla. Yeah. Thanks, Thomas. And, and and, yeah, you know, so so since then, you know, I I I truly specialize in helping men over two hundred pounds just become the two point o version

Eric:

Mhmm.

Dan Whaley:

Of themselves, through fitness, through health, through nutrition. And and like I said, just truly working on yourself. It's Mhmm. People that have never done that before, that have that have stepped into it is they have that moment as well, and that's what I love. Giving people that moment, like, oh, wow.

Dan Whaley:

Like, this isn't as hard as as I thought it was going to be. You know? So

Crystal:

And then it changing the trajectory of their lives.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

Eric:

Yeah. Well, I think that act that was a that's a fantastic segue into, the topic of discussion for today, which is discipline, with hints of self sabotage in there too. Because I think those those two things, both tie kinda tie into each other, in various ways. Would you say discipline is like the opposite kind of of sabotage, I guess? Like, if you're if you're if you're sabotaging yourself, then you're also not being disciplined.

Eric:

Right?

Crystal:

Yeah. I'd challenge the audience to ask themselves what the opposite of self sabotage is. I I think discipline fits that mold pretty well.

Eric:

Mhmm. Yeah. And so I think that there's even in in in BNI too, there's a lot of discipline that is, necessary. You know, a lot of people, like myself included, get getting up at 7AM, you know, actually earlier than 7AM. That's when our meetings are yeah.

Eric:

They're getting up at you know, we we meet at 06:45. Mhmm. And so but you still gotta drive to location. You still gotta get dressed. You gotta get ready.

Eric:

You gotta do your morning routines. So I get up at 05:30. Five actually, lately, it's been 05:15 five. I leave

Crystal:

here at 05:30. So Yeah. Yeah. No. It it's a commitment.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

Same boat. I'm up at, you know, between before 5AM is what I is what I strive for.

Eric:

Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

And, yeah, I mean, it's it's it's BNI is, there's a requirement to it, you know? And you have to be you have to have some level of discipline. Right? There's there's gotta be a discipline counter on the on the podcast of how many times we say discipline on this episode. Yeah.

Eric:

I know. Seriously. Yeah. Kinda a little a little check, little thing. You know, a little bit of stuff.

Dan Whaley:

Have a

Crystal:

glass of water.

Eric:

Seriously. Take a take a shot or something. Yeah. Woah. No.

Eric:

Not on this podcast. Not on this podcast.

Dan Whaley:

But, yeah, you know, there there there's a level of requirement that you have to go through. You know? Like, if you want to be in the green, you gotta have that discipline to go with it. You gotta show up to the meeting on time. You gotta do your one to ones.

Dan Whaley:

You gotta go out and seek referrals. You know? You gotta get your CEUs done. Yep. Make sure that you watch this podcast so that you can get a CEU.

Dan Whaley:

Right? So Exactly. Yeah. It's it's it's it's tough. It's challenging, really.

Crystal:

But it pushes you because those same areas that you maybe weren't focusing on when you do focus on them, like, you see the results from the discipline always has results when you're when you're making an effort. If you we weren't focusing on those things, I don't think BNI would be the same because I think the structure of BNI helps you be disciplined because there is a structure in place that it's like, okay. Yeah. I need to have a one to one. Oh, yeah.

Crystal:

I forgot. I haven't invited a visitor for a while. That's something I might wanna do to benefit the chapter too, not just ourselves.

Eric:

Yeah. I think too, what's what's you know, I was I was wondering, like, I was thinking the fact that we kinda meet early, like, when like, when you kinda pull out that discipline, even if, you know, some people might be more more begrudging, but they do it anyways, which is great. Applaud. You know, you might not you you might not like doing it, but you get there anyways. Other people, this might be easier because maybe they're natural early birds.

Eric:

Right? And, but I think that aspect of kind of, you know, pulling yourself out and getting yourself, to the meeting, I think that's gonna affect other aspects of b and I. Like, okay. Now you're gonna maybe do the one to ones that you necessarily wouldn't have done, you know, because you're putting in this extra effort of getting to the meeting. I know we're talking about earliest other aspects of that, but I think, you know, all all all the all the, like, those those, not not requirements, but, like, the baseline, commitment commitments.

Eric:

Right? What was the work? The CUs.

Crystal:

In my head too.

Eric:

Right. The CUs, the the coming to the meetings, it it it does require discipline, but that's kind of, like, what makes BNI successful, is those is the having those requirements because that, I think, pulls out the discipline. And And,

Crystal:

also, it kind of can tell you who's someone that you might actually wanna do business with. If they're not disciplined enough to make it to a meeting where a bunch of people could benefit them. Exactly. And then when you've asked people and you tell them what time Yes. That we meet, you're like, 06:45.

Crystal:

And they're like,

Eric:

look at you.

Crystal:

Like Yeah. Like, oh my gosh. You must be crazy then.

Eric:

Right. And and then it makes you wonder, like, okay. Well, how committed are they really to their business? Yeah. Right?

Eric:

They want maybe, like okay. You know, you you come to BNI initially, right, because you're looking for more more more business. Right? If you don't need more business, people aren't it's like, I don't need more. I'm not gonna come to BNI.

Eric:

Okay. Fair enough. But if you are do need more business, but then you still choose not to come to BNI because of the commitments, how committed is that person to their own business then, really?

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. You have to be you have to be reliable. And not only to yourself. Right? You have to be reliable to others.

Dan Whaley:

And and that's, like, the surface level first commitment of BNI. Like, can you be punctual? You know? Like, do you have what it takes to get to this meeting on time regardless of traffic, regardless of whatever excuse that you have. It's like, if you can't be punctual, I noticed that.

Dan Whaley:

Like, I noticed that in BNI when someone's walking into the meeting consistently at 07:15, I'm like, oh, I don't I'm not sure I wanna, like, you know, really go out of my way to try and refer them. Because if they can't be punctual to this meeting, what does that say to them what does that say about them in their business? You know, like, if I refer, my best friend or my mother or my grandmother, and she's expecting you to be at a certain place on time. Yeah.

Eric:

You're so 15 late

Dan Whaley:

at twelve. Fifteen minutes late. Like, that's a reflection of me now because I just put my name out there for you, and you're kind of like, you know, you're not you're not reliable. Mhmm. And I mean, that's a big one for me.

Dan Whaley:

Punctuality is is huge for me.

Eric:

Mhmm.

Crystal:

And there's also a huge direct correlation between attendance and thank you of closed business.

Eric:

Mhmm.

Crystal:

So attendance is the one thing that they've really dialed in to BNI that can affect your thank you for closed business the most. So you're like you're saying those people might not be as likely to refer you if you're late every week, but, also, I have we have someone that shows up. Suzanne shows up about 06:12 every meeting.

Eric:

My goodness. I

Dan Whaley:

had an

Eric:

idea. Shout

Dan Whaley:

out, Suzanne.

Eric:

Alright. Alright.

Crystal:

She's always making me be there a little extra early, so you guys didn't know I'm always a little more committed than Yeah. People realize because there's certain people that like to show up early so that they can just make sure that they're there.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. And there's definitely, there's definitely a pattern too. It's like people that people that don't have that in them, they don't last long in BNI. Mm-mm. And they really don't.

Dan Whaley:

And it's not because we don't want them there, but it's because they're not getting the referrals that they want, or they're not building the relationships that they want. And I think so often, we try and, like, externalize it of, like, oh, well, you know, it was their fault that I didn't get the referral, or it was, you know, someone else's, you know, the traffic or something like that. But, like, I think we gotta look inward more often than not. Like, okay. Well, what is it what more can I do to have that level of reliability that people that people are counting on me to be there?

Dan Whaley:

And I I feel bad if I'm not, you know, showing up as the best version of myself. So, I mean, yeah. There's a it's like a direct correlation between, like, okay, like, how punctual are you? How disciplined are you? How reliable are you?

Dan Whaley:

How much referrals are you gonna get? Mhmm. How long are you gonna last in BNI? Mhmm. And it starts there.

Crystal:

Would you say discipline is personal accountability?

Dan Whaley:

A %. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. Because you, you know, you there are things that you can do ahead of time, you know, rather than just so one thing that I like to say, right, is is planning is something that you do when you expect things to go perfectly.

Dan Whaley:

Right? Like, I'm I'm planning on being there at 06:45. Okay. Great. There's chances are that that plan is not gonna happen.

Dan Whaley:

But when you prepare to be there at 06:45 and it starts the night before, like, you're laying out your clothes, you're setting the alarm, you're setting the backup alarm, and the the third alarm in case the backup alarm doesn't go off. And

Eric:

I like how you kind of separated the difference between, like, preparing for something and planning for it. Because we plan for lots of different things.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah.

Eric:

But, you know, so many times you plan for this, and then there's a car accident. Now you're twenty minutes late because the car accident, which was completely out of your out of your your control. But depending on, you know, the importance of what you're going to, that's why you maybe wanna try to get twenty minutes early. So now Yeah. You're getting there at least on time now, right, in those in those instances.

Eric:

And I've done the same thing, multiple alarms. I've had moments where, like, I wake up and I look at my clock, and I'm like, oh, this is nice. And it's 08:00. And I'm like, wait. I had a shoot that started at eight.

Eric:

Like, that happened to me one time. Mhmm. Boy, that gave me a freaking heart attack, and I was, like, going so fast. And it's all because I didn't I didn't set two alarms. Yeah.

Eric:

You're right? And so depending on

Dan Whaley:

And that could have been avoided by preparation.

Eric:

By better preparation.

Dan Whaley:

Which is when things are life's never going to go as as planned. Life's never going to go perfectly. So, like, the other day when, you know, when we had our BNI meeting, the night before, I made my breakfast for that for that morning. You know, I set out my gym bag because I knew that I was gonna go, you know, work out after BNI. I got my clothes ready, my intro workout ready, my post workout ready.

Dan Whaley:

It's like everything was ready for me to be successful. And if I just planned it in the morning, guess what? I'd be rushing out the door. I'd be spilling my coffee out the door because I'm rushing. Right.

Dan Whaley:

Right. Right. Right. Now I'm late, and then now it's a, you know

Eric:

Negative But you know what that does too. Question. Yeah. And here's what that does does too as well. You're you're kind of stressed.

Eric:

You have this extra anxiety. So now you kinda show up to your thing, and you're, like, flustered.

Crystal:

On an energetic level. Yeah. Yeah. You're you're really attracting more, and then it spirals the whole day. And

Eric:

then by the end of

Crystal:

the day, you're like, oh, man. I'm over it.

Eric:

Right. And now but then also if the people around you, they're like, man, Dan is he what he's I don't know if I don't know about that guy. You know? He's kind of flustered and all over the right? And so it it it it the it it also is going to reflect kind of your your, I guess, your, especially for first time people who who meet.

Eric:

Like, if there's new visitors. Right? Maybe there's somebody that shows up. What was it? I I was actually I wasn't at the meeting the other day.

Eric:

It was one of my first, like like, absences that I've I've had since being vice president. And Yeah.

Crystal:

But you were covered.

Eric:

No. And and and I guess I heard that we had a lot of visitors that night.

Dan Whaley:

Goodness. Yeah.

Eric:

My goodness did we have a lot of

Dan Whaley:

which was kinda great.

Eric:

I'm like, of course. The one day that I'm out there, I was like, dang. I wanted to see all the visitors. And Yeah. And but, like, imagine if you kinda show up late and all the visitor you know, there there might be someone who would normally have contacted you, but maybe they're you know, you're giving off weird vibes or something like that.

Eric:

And you might not even know it because you're flustered. Mhmm. Right? And so it's that's also the the the positivity aspect that comes out of, like, being self, like, better more self disciplined. Mhmm.

Eric:

So okay. So how how does somebody kind of, like, work on be more self disciplined? How does someone kind of, like, begin? Whether it's, like, fit whether it's fitness or whether it's business, whether it's whatever. Right?

Dan Whaley:

That's an easy that's an easy one. It's small habits. It's small wins stacked up over time. Because when you it it's a cycle. When you stack these small wins, your confidence grows.

Crystal:

Yep.

Dan Whaley:

And the more your confidence grows, the more you stack small wins. And the more small wins you stack, the more disciplined you are. And the more disciplined you are, the more you realize, okay. I need to be prepared. And then the more prepared so it's this cycle, and it all starts with just winning that day.

Dan Whaley:

And I think so often we get we get caught up in, like, okay. I need to I need to, like, you know, one week out, I need to do this much. Two weeks out, I need to do this much. It's like, no. You know?

Dan Whaley:

What are you gonna do in the next twenty four hours

Eric:

Mhmm.

Dan Whaley:

To set yourself up for then the next twenty four hours and then the next twenty four hours? So it's that it's that, like, that confidence and competence cycle Mhmm. That that you need to get good at. And that's only going to come from just winning that first day. Mhmm.

Dan Whaley:

And that's how you that's how you do it. I mean, that's how you stay disciplined, is not thinking about I mean, sure, looking at the big picture is great. Like, looking at it from a 30,000 foot view is fantastic. But so often, we look at it from a 30,000 foot view, and we're like, oh my god. I'm not where I'm supposed to be at.

Dan Whaley:

And and then you start, you know, getting stressed out, and then you get tense, and then you get, you know, inside yourself. And Yeah. And and then that's when sabotage comes into play, and you start, like, getting really uncomfortable

Eric:

with yourself. I know I fall into that trap a lot. And, like, that's one thing I've had to really kinda come to terms with is just really focusing on, like, okay. Just focus on, like, today's things, whatever it might be. Because, like, it's it is I've I've I've done those sorts of things where I've kinda like, okay.

Eric:

I'm gonna plan out, like, here's what's gonna happen throughout the whole year.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah.

Eric:

I think every single time I've done that, I've never I've never achieved whatever the goal was was set.

Dan Whaley:

No.

Eric:

And, you know, maybe there's some if you can do that, I guess, fantastic. Great. Good on you if you can do that. I've never been able to do that, and it just causes more stress for me.

Crystal:

Well, the the way the brain works too is if your goal is to, like, jump a hundred feet. If you, in your mind, know, oh, I can't jump a hundred feet, but then, like coach Dan said, what if I jump 10 feet?

Dan Whaley:

Mhmm.

Crystal:

And then what if I jump 20 feet? And then what if by the time you're slowly build up that ability, maybe you could jump a hundred feet, but you but you can't get to the point, that endpoint without the little stepping stone.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. What's that ancient Chinese proverb, right, the journey of a thousand miles starts with one step?

Eric:

Step. Yeah. Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. I love that. I love that quote. Right? Because it's so true.

Dan Whaley:

You know? It's like I think we we we really do get way too far ahead of ourselves and then stress ourselves out to the point of of now I'm paralyzed because now I'm overanalyzing it. Yeah. Right? And

Crystal:

And you're not in your authentic energy, like both of you said, when you're in that, like, like, fight or flight or that anxiety. That's not the real you. Like, that's not the way you would be responding to things because that anxiety is, like, over running your, like, natural programming.

Dan Whaley:

Mhmm. Yep. Absolutely. And you know how to you know how to combat that? Preparation.

Dan Whaley:

Right? Just it starts with just it starts with just, like, just knowing what you're going to do next. Mhmm. And I think that's so it's such a comfortable thing to have. Mhmm.

Dan Whaley:

Right? If we know, like, alright. I'm gonna work out today at some point. You know? At some point today, I'm gonna work out.

Dan Whaley:

And just knowing that, okay. This is on the schedule, and I'm going to prepare to get there. It's it's comfortable in knowing that rather than being like, hi. I hope I'm gonna work out today, because then that that hope never that never blossoms.

Eric:

Yeah. I think, you know, when when you kinda speak these kind of, like, coin flip words, like hope or maybe

Crystal:

Oh, yeah.

Eric:

Or I'd like to. Like, those kind of words that are not like like, it's happening.

Dan Whaley:

I like that. The coin flip word is everything.

Eric:

That you almost, like, 99% of the time, that actually means no.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Eric:

Right? Like, if I meet with someone and and and, like, oh, we'd like to connect and, like, oh, maybe we can connect next week. Usually, that means no. We're not connecting unless we're like, okay. Great.

Eric:

Let's get it on the calendar right now. Then maybe it will. Right? Then it might. Maybe.

Eric:

Yeah. Maybe.

Dan Whaley:

That's that's absolutely something that I love doing at, you know, in the at the in person meetings. If someone wants to do a one to one, they're like, okay. Text me tomorrow. I'm like, no. Let's do this right now.

Dan Whaley:

Let's get this on the calendar now.

Eric:

Right.

Dan Whaley:

Because if it's on the calendar, 99% of the time, it's happening.

Eric:

Right.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

You know? And and you make, like, you make that sacrifice to be like, alright. Well, I guess I'm not going to the Padres game because I have a one to one or, you know, like, some you know, whatever. Or

Crystal:

you're coming with me.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. Whatever. Maybe a one to one is a pod race game.

Crystal:

I've done that before. Yeah.

Eric:

Yeah. And yeah. So that that's that's, so I I I think it's important to kind of avoid that kind of talk, when if you have the the the those goals. And so I think speaking things like, Tangible. Like, I will go to the b and I meeting, or I'll be at the not I'll try to be.

Eric:

Avoid those those those words. Like, I'll be

Crystal:

things into existence. Yeah.

Eric:

Sneaking it into existence. There's a lot of power in that. And, you know, I think by doing that as well, once you kind of are at the meeting, even if maybe, you know, everyone has days where, you you you you know, like, okay. I'm not really feeling like I wanna go, but a lot of the, you know, discipline is kind of overcoming that feeling

Dan Whaley:

Mhmm.

Eric:

And and overcoming how you maybe feel in the moment. But I have found that that the days where I really don't want to go to BNI and I go anyways usually are the tends all it seems to always be, like, the most impactful day or, like, there's somebody there Yep. That I connect with or whatever it is. I'm like, okay. That's happened numerous times.

Eric:

So now and I mean, now it's the point I don't I I like, I'm always I'm always committed to going to BNI unless I literally absolutely cannot for whatever reason. It's I'm never going to BNI. When I first joined, there was a few there were several times where I was like, I really don't wanna go, and I just don't go. And then, and then but that hasn't happened in a few years now. And and, a lot of that is kinda like what you said, just kinda building that habit and that repetition and that building that that discipline that it becomes easier

Dan Whaley:

Yeah.

Eric:

As you do it. I got it. I just wanna It's kinda like a muscle, actually, I think.

Crystal:

I have a question for you, coach. So where do you think that the discipline starts? Is it in the thoughts and the words? Because, I mean, there's the action and the preparation, but where the steps before that is like well, Eric was saying is like, okay. Say me maybe the word maybe pops up or I I'm thinking about it or and then you catch yourself saying, wait.

Crystal:

No. I'm actually gonna pull out my phone and do it right now. Where do you think that because you said preparation. If you could take it a step, like, reverse, what do you think helps with the preparation?

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. Great question. I I think it I think, like, what you said, I believe it starts in the mind. Right? Because someone someone is not going to change unless they feel that pull to change, unless they've already thought about it and they're sick of staying the same person, they're staying the same in their business, they're making the same amount of money.

Dan Whaley:

It's like, okay. What do we need to do differently? And that's definitely going to start up here because, you know, you can't you can't start preparing for something that you don't know how to prepare for. So as soon as you start thinking of it and, you know, my grandpa always said, like, creating a plan is great, but not having steps to accomplish that plan is that's your downfall because you have no idea where to start. So creating the plan in your head, creating that vision, I believe that's where it starts.

Dan Whaley:

Right? And just kind of like the words that you tell yourself, like changing the I can't statements to the I can statements and just how you kind of perceive yourself as well. Like, if you if you truly believe that the story you're telling yourself in your head is true, you're going to start creating those habits and creating those thoughts to reinforce that narrative that you're telling yourself.

Crystal:

Yep.

Dan Whaley:

So if you start telling yourself a different narrative, like, no. I am capable of change. I I can do this. I can lose weight. I can build my business.

Dan Whaley:

I can join b and I and give out 10 referrals a month, hopefully. Right? Yeah.

Eric:

Right. Right.

Dan Whaley:

That that would be great, but that's definitely where it starts. It's the narrative that you tell yourself in your head. Mhmm. And as soon as you switch the narrative from being negative to positive, that's when you start experiencing, like, that, that weight lifted off your shoulders a little bit, and then you can start taking more action because you actually feel like it's possible. Mhmm.

Eric:

Yes. You know, that kinda goes back to kind of, like, those those, baby steps. Like, the they're doing those those initial things where it's like, you might someone might look at because I could see someone looking at at the commitments for BNI, the one one to one week, one referral, one visitor, looking at all those things and be like, man, I can't do all that, you know, and saying that to themselves. And but if you just kinda focus on, okay, just just meet with someone Mhmm. Just that one thing, like, you know, start with that and then add on the next thing and just one thing at a time, it it it I think that's once you kinda get a rhythm with that, you know, it ends up being kind of a, you know, really a breeze, honestly.

Eric:

Like, it it becomes easier.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah.

Eric:

And, I do think a lot of people, especially, you know, a lot of the particularly, I guess, a lot a lot of new people that kind of joined to get kind of overwhelmed sometimes with all the different commitments because they are you know, other networking groups don't necessarily have these these commitments. Structure. Right. The structure. But I think I mean, that's definitely what makes BNI powerful and successful is the structure.

Eric:

But, to a lot of people who have not, really focused on that or been involved with that could be I it could be I know it was overwhelming when I first started. I was in the gray for a while. Like, I I started a little bit, but, like, I was in the gray initially, and I was just like, man. I was like, I'm gonna get kicked out. Like, they're gonna be like, who is this guy?

Eric:

And and then and then I just kinda really I had to talk with Amber. Like, I gotta, like, like, really focus and commit on this, And and, you know, the membership committee was very, like, graceful. I told them. I was like, no. I'm gonna recommit.

Eric:

I'm gonna I'm going to do this. Mhmm. And, you know, then I was able to, like, pull myself out and get myself into the yellow and such. Right? But, like, it really took a took a extra effort in, like, okay.

Eric:

I've gotta really, like, make time for all all, all the the the one to ones and the CUs and all that stuff. And

Dan Whaley:

That's that's something right there is because so often I hear, like, I'm a visitor host. Right? And so often I hear, well, I'm never gonna find the time to do that. I'm like, well, okay. Let's change that thought because

Eric:

That's true right now. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're speaking it. It's true.

Eric:

Yeah. Yeah. Right?

Dan Whaley:

Because, if you're searching for the time, you're gonna be like, well, I can't give up that, and I can't give up that. But if you switch it to, okay, I need to create the time for this because I see it as valuable. I see it as something that's going to grow my business, grow myself, grow my relationships, and and then you feel that pull to want to do it, and then you start creating that time for it. Right.

Crystal:

And then you start to see your traffic lights go up. You're like, oh, I'm out of the yellow. Oh, I remember in the green. Yay.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. And progress is addicting too. Yeah. You know? Like, even if it even if it is just the even if it is just the the the traffic lights.

Dan Whaley:

Right? It's like I was in the yellow for some time, and then I, like, inched up to the green, and then I dropped back down to the yellow.

Eric:

I was like,

Dan Whaley:

dang it. How do I get back to the green? Like, what do I need to do? You know? And then that's when I started, like, seeking referrals.

Dan Whaley:

I'm like, okay. Gotta get my referrals up. I got like, let's go seek them. You know? And and and, yeah, I mean, that progress is addicting.

Dan Whaley:

And it's the same thing with, like, fitness as well. You know? It's like as soon as you if you're not seeing progress, it's hard to just continue to do the same thing. Oh my god. I'm not seeing the progress.

Dan Whaley:

But as soon as you do, you're like, oh, this is nice. Like, I like how these jeans are fitting right now. And I think it's the same with business. As soon as you start seeing that progress, you're like, oh, so I gotta do more of this because this is what was working. And then you start thinking of, instead of having all this to do list, you really narrow it down to, like, one or two things that are moving the needle in your business.

Dan Whaley:

Mhmm. And then that relieves the stress, and you're like, okay. I'm focusing on on on giving referrals because I know that givers gain. Mhmm. Or what or whatever it is that's growing your business.

Dan Whaley:

And I think that if you can do that, like, if you can narrow your focus instead of thinking about all the 10 things that you have to do Mhmm. Of those 10 things, there's probably only two that are really moving your business. Mhmm. Yeah. Put your time

Crystal:

there. Yeah.

Eric:

Yeah. And the other ones, you know, oftentimes, I think we can find other people in our circle that can kind of help with those things. Either it's maybe it's an employee you have or whatever that can that start taking on some some additional work that maybe you're spending way too much time that's not really effective use of your of of your time. And or maybe it's like, okay. You you maybe you need to hire somebody to kind of help help with those with the with with those things.

Eric:

Because there is you know, I think there are some people that will that do show up into b and I meetings, and they show up late, and they actually are, like, wait maybe they actually are super, super, super busy. And okay. Well, what are some things that that you can do then to to kind of free up some of your time so you can spend more time in

Crystal:

Stack your one to ones. Right.

Eric:

Or or yeah. That maybe maybe it's be be more, like, efficient with with how you you have your one to ones. Maybe you kind of, like, have a one to one day or something like that. Right? And and so I do think we kinda get, like like, narrow minded, I guess, into, like, oh, I I gotta do this thing here, but maybe you don't need to just focus on that one thing because maybe that's not where you know, maybe your focus should be over here, but you're too focused in this one area.

Crystal:

You think that's why BNI has so many areas that they track? Because I mean, obviously, you can see the difference between someone who's in the red and someone who's in the green when they just interact in their engagement and their discipline within the group. What advice would you have to someone that's in the red that, like, wants to have more discipline but doesn't know where to start with BNI.

Dan Whaley:

Talk to someone in the green?

Eric:

Mhmm.

Dan Whaley:

Like, what like, what are they do what are they doing? What are they doing that I'm not doing? Because there's got there's gotta be something. Right? You know?

Dan Whaley:

Maybe it's being on Nextdoor. Maybe they're on Nextdoor a little bit more often, and they're just, like, shooting referrals. But that that's what I think, you know. It's like if if if I want to be successful in business, I'm not gonna talk to someone that's not successful in business. You know?

Dan Whaley:

So it's like this in traffic lights, if I wanna be in the green, I'm not talking to someone in the gray or the red or the yellow. I'm talking to someone in the green. I'm talking to the first person.

Eric:

No problem. Your top number one to one. Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

Right? And and that's that's the person I'm having a one to one with.

Eric:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great I think that that's a, kind of a a good analogy with that. Like, if you're, you know, like, in in your case, if if you're someone's trying to lose a hundred pounds, you're not gonna talk to someone that's overweight to lose to to lose weight.

Eric:

Right?

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. Or even talk to the coach that's never lost a hundred pounds

Eric:

Or that.

Dan Whaley:

If they've been skinny all their life.

Eric:

That's true because they don't understand that. They don't know.

Dan Whaley:

Like, they don't know. Like, exactly. Yeah. So it's talking to having someone in in your corner that has been in your shoes before or has done what you're trying to do is important in every aspect of life. You know?

Dan Whaley:

Business, relationships, health, wealth, everything. Right? Having that meant that's why people pay so much money for mentors

Eric:

as well. Yeah. Mhmm. Yep.

Dan Whaley:

You know? Because they're going to streamline your success. Mhmm. Because they're going to give you the exact steps. And it's up to you whether or not you do them or not.

Dan Whaley:

Mhmm. You know? And and and that's that's you know, I'm sure Crystal can relate as well. It's like you can give someone the mental outlook that they need, but if they're not doing the deep work, if they're not doing the steps, they're not going to recover. They're not going to heal.

Dan Whaley:

So you need to, like, okay, hiring a mentor is great. Talking to the person that's first on the passport program is great, or on the, traffic lights Mhmm. Is great. But if you're not implementing and doing what they tell you to do, you're still just gonna be in the red. Or you might move up a little bit, but then you're gonna get uncomfortable because you realize that, oh, man, like, this is unfamiliar.

Dan Whaley:

I don't I don't I'm gonna, like, you know, just kinda this was comfortable back here. You know? And and and then that's how people stay the same for years and years and years.

Eric:

Yeah. Yeah. And that kinda goes along with the with with the being disciplined. Right? And so

Dan Whaley:

Self to discipline. Yeah.

Eric:

Self to discipline. And so now I wanna kinda talk talk a bit about the I guess, what we kind of were deciding is sort of the opposite of this was that that self sabotage. Mhmm.

Dan Whaley:

And one

Eric:

of the things and I've I've been in this boat before. I think we've all experienced this at one point or another. When you're in this self sabotage, like, mindset, sometimes it can be so difficult to get out of it. And you may even recognize it, but you're still just, like, so down

Dan Whaley:

Yes.

Eric:

About not reaching your thing or whatever it is, whatever your goal might be, or whatever you're kinda going through, it can be really hard to kinda pull your to to to get out of that sabotage mindset. So what and this goes to kind of both of you guys. I think you both of you have, like, I think, really good insight in this area here. How do you what do you guys suggest to people? Like, when someone's in that that self sabotaging mindset, how what are the first steps for someone to kind of get out of that?

Eric:

To kind of, like, just to get baseline. Forget the discipline side of it. Just to get out of the self sabotage mindset. What do what do Yeah. I'll go I'll take

Dan Whaley:

I'll take the lead. I'll bat I'll bat first on this one. So for me, my own personal story, I was sabotaging last year in my health and my business, and it's because there was a void in my life that I need filled. And for me, it was I was lonely, you know, and I was just spending all my time alone trying to grow my business, just really just grinding my gears. And to fill that void of loneliness, I chose to eat and to eat and to eat and to just soothe myself with food.

Dan Whaley:

And there's other ways that you can soothe yourself. So the first thing that if you're in a cycle of self sabotage, the first thing that you need to do is find out, what am I soothing myself from? Mhmm. You know? Or, like, what am I running from?

Dan Whaley:

You know? And and for me, it was identifying, okay. I've been lonely, and I've been wanting to just fill that void of not having no community, not being around others, And I felt I filled that void with with food and with having some drinks on the weekends and, you know, kinda just relaxing and watching movies and doing nothing. And that's the first thing that people need to understand is, like I said, what are you soothing yourself from? And as soon as you can identify that, you can now attack that rather than attack the sabotage and just continue to be in that cycle.

Dan Whaley:

And as soon as you going back to creating a plan and creating the steps to fulfill that plan, then you now have purpose. And I think a lot of the time that people are self sabotaging, they've lost touch from their purpose. They no longer have the purpose that they've that they once had. So figure out what you're soothing yourself from, and figure out what your purpose is moving forward. Because if you lose touch with both of those things, cycle.

Dan Whaley:

Sabotage, sabotage. And then it doesn't, you know, and then now you're just trying to be comfortable. Mhmm. And and we we have to get uncomfortable first. And there's a period of time where you have to work through that uncomfort.

Dan Whaley:

And if we keep giving in to that feeling of uncomfort, we're back in the sabotage cycle. So you have to just remind yourself and be very clear. And that's why I journal. I love journaling now. You know?

Dan Whaley:

Because it's like, okay. My intention for the day, my purpose for the day, this is why I'm doing it. This is what I'm grateful for. This is why I'm, you know, trying to be the best version of myself. And when I start my day like that, I'm filled with purpose, and and I don't I don't want it.

Dan Whaley:

Like, someone dropped off cookies the other day to my house. I was like, I'm good. Like, I'm I don't even want anything to do with this.

Eric:

Stay away, girls council. Stay away. Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

Dan, three months ago, would have been, oh, cookies. Like, let's go. You know? And, like, this is great.

Crystal:

You're like, here's $10 to stay away from me.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. Now I'm like now I'm like, I'm good. I I don't want them because I know that as soon as I have that cookie, it's a slippery slope. So, yeah. Crystal, anything to

Crystal:

I actually a % agree with you, but I I think taking it a a step deeper is, yes, we need to find out why. Obviously, the the things that we're doing are probably like a Band Aid. They're they're kind of covering what the real problem is. So identifying, like like coach said, what is the reason that you were eating? That loneliness for him was what he was trying to resolve, but, also, it goes deeper because the first seven years of our life is when our brain is creating the mental programs that we're operating from.

Crystal:

From. So oftentimes, we think, oh, I'm experiencing this this in my current life because of all the things that I'm doing right now, but it's also all the things you're doing right now and have happened to you in the past. If you had six businesses fail, you might not feel super comfortable to start a seventh. So those life experiences can kinda throw you off, but going back in and kind of fine tuning, like you said, what is the reason that we're doing this? Because we are all here for a purpose.

Crystal:

We all have a reason that we put put on this life. When you're in that authenticity and you're like, I'm doing it. This is my dream. I'm, like, living it even with the trials. Those trials really are treasures.

Crystal:

Mhmm. Because they're teaching us the parts of ourselves that, like, the traffic lights, that one area I wasn't focusing on. And then when you do step into, like, okay. Now I'm avoiding that thing that's not serving me, you feel better about yourself. So each step towards your authenticity, And I would challenge people to understand that the answers are already within them if they listen deep enough that they can they can find the solution.

Crystal:

But then, like, coach says, you gotta take action on it. Like, it's one thing to think about it and, like, okay. This is my goal. But, like, what steps are you doing to prepare to step into the action on a daily basis to keep yourself in your morning routines? Morning routines have been highly proven to help people have better days because you're starting off in that baseline of, like, a really solid energy because most people's days are thrown off by the first portion of their day if the if they are at all.

Crystal:

So by stepping into that, like, super solid morning routine, you're you're giving yourself, like, this boost saying, I got your back to yourself. And I think people forget to have their own back sometimes. And there's a really cool African proverb that says, you wanna go somewhere slow, go alone. If you wanna go somewhere fast, go as a team. And I think that's what BNI does is it helps lift up those goals that you're trying to get to.

Crystal:

I mean, like, no. You can do this. Like, hang in there. We got this.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. Well,

Eric:

it's like the accountability side. Right? If you're alone, you really don't have any accountability except on yourself, which is a very hard thing to do, especially if you if you if you're you know, something happens and then you're now in a little bit of a spiral of of self sabotage. Right? Which I think happens to everybody every once in a while.

Eric:

You can't, like, avoid that that happening at even people who are really disciplined. Like, it's it's gonna happen at some point, and then it's okay. How are you gonna get yourself out of it when not if, when that maybe starts to happen. You know? So either you have I think it's a combination of a lot of things.

Eric:

Like, you have accountability at at at BNI or just in your, you know, your spouse or what whoever it might be, to kinda help you with that. But then also having those tools, like gratefulness, like, that's something I do, like, every I I have a morning routine now. My morning routine takes me about I think it it takes me it varies a little bit, but it takes usually, it takes me about an hour. And so I always get up now in the last you know, this I've kind of always done this, but more I actually spend more time in my morning routine. Like, first thing I do is I read I read my Bible every single morning, and that's the very first thing that that that, I do.

Eric:

But then the second thing is, like, writing down what you're grateful for. Right? And so, for me, I write down three things that I'm grateful for.

Crystal:

So good.

Eric:

And, you know, sometimes it can be even the same thing. Like, you know, I have a roof over my head. I have an amazing wife. I have whatever whatever whatever those things are. And no matter I think no matter how you know, where you're at, we're we have a tendency to see, like, oh, it's greener on the other side from somebody else's life.

Eric:

You look at somebody else, and then you're kind of missing like, there's probably a lot of people looking at you, and you don't realize it. They're like, man, I wish I had what that person had. But now you're over here looking at somebody else, It's like, woah. Take a step back and write down what you're grateful for. What are the what are what are, you know, what are those things that you're grateful for?

Eric:

It's gonna be different for everybody. But that is that, I think, is is such an important way to to to really start your day is is start the start, you know, writing down what you're what you're grateful for. It's so important because it it really is if something bad happens later on that day, you're gonna then go back like, okay. I'm grateful for these, you know, these things that you started off your day. Starting off your day, like, you know, in a very positive manner is so important.

Eric:

When I don't, it I feel like my whole day is kinda ruined.

Crystal:

And gratitude is one of those highest the highest frequency vibrations too. So tuning into, like, gratitude, you can't have gratitude and fear at the same time. So it's, like, pushing out that fear out of out of the the day. Like, no. There's no room for you here.

Crystal:

I'm full of gratitude, so I I can't be full of that fear. I have a question for coach about discipline.

Dan Whaley:

I first wanna piggyback off of what you said real quick

Eric:

Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

Because it's something that I have realized for myself. You said that the answers are usually inside of you first. Mhmm. And I felt that so much when I was going through my cycle of sabotage last year. When I was driving to the store for, you know, some beers or driving to the store for some cookies, I was like, I shouldn't be doing this.

Dan Whaley:

You know, like, I felt it in my gut, and I was like, I really should not be going to this store. Like, I know that it's bad. I know that this is not what I'm supposed to be doing, and I never listened to that. And now when I'm, like, you know, looking at the cookies that someone dropped off, I'm like, like, I listen to my gut now. And I think it's important, like, if you're stepping into BNI, you know, and and so often in our chapter, in the Escondido chapter, we get, oh my god.

Dan Whaley:

This is full of energy. You guys are our family. Like, we can really feel it. And I think that's important to, like, to to take mental note of. If you're visiting a BNI chapter and you just don't feel it, you're just like, this isn't you know, I love you guys, but I this is I'm not really feeling it.

Dan Whaley:

Listen to that because more often than not, that answer is inside of you. You've already answered it for you. Like, don't force yourself to join that chapter. But on the opposite end, if you feel like, hey, like, oh my goodness, this chapter was brought spoke life into me and brought me energy, and then and you take note of how you felt the rest of the day. Like, whenever we have our in person meeting, I feel so good the rest of the day.

Dan Whaley:

Oh, yeah.

Crystal:

I'm on fire.

Dan Whaley:

I'm, like, going to my workout, and I'm, like, making PRs. You know?

Eric:

There's a reason we do these recordings a few days after our in person b and I meeting. When we do when we record all our podcasts, we do them all on on Thursday or Friday, the day after our in person. We do that because I I chose that because I feel energized. Yeah. I don't know about you guys.

Eric:

That's why that's why I was like, no. I wanna do Thursday and Fridays. I don't wanna if I can avoid it, I wanna not do any other day other than Thursday, Friday, also end of the week because you're a little bit more positive usually. You know, if somebody's, I don't know, having a, you know, a bad Monday or something like that. I don't wanna have them.

Eric:

Lose. Right. Exactly. So that's what another reason too. But so it's after our Wednesday meeting, and you're just more you're just more more, more energized.

Eric:

So we we have a we have a hybrid chapter, if you don't know. And so, and I love the hybrid, but, you know, it has its moments where it's, like, you know, throughout the online. Onlines are just not the same as the in person. They're just not. And I love the in persons.

Eric:

I think they're I think for a hybrid, they're a little bit extra special because it's like we don't see each other in person for a whole month. So I noticed, like, after we we we we used to be in person. After COVID, we went to hybrid. And, I I noticed that, like like, you know, that that first, like, in person was super energetic. We've we've pretty much maintained that, like, you know, the in persons that I just remember now, I I feel like they're more energetic, so there's something extra special about them.

Eric:

And so you have the podcast recordings on Thursday, Friday. It it makes all I think it makes all the difference doing them,

Crystal:

It's piggybacking off the momentum. The momentum. Yep. Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

And there's so many times where you know, I'll be completely transparent. There's been a couple of times where I'm like, I don't know if BNI is right for me. You know? Like, you know, like, I'm not getting crazy amount of referrals. Like, I'm in the green, which is fantastic.

Dan Whaley:

And then I go to the in person, I'm like, my gut's telling me to stay. You know? Like, I and I think it's very important. Like, we we have to listen to our gut because that first initial jerk reaction, that's usually the the truth.

Eric:

Mhmm. You

Dan Whaley:

know? And and we gotta listen to that. And I we we shouldn't just be like, shove it down into our gut deeper. Like, let that come up and, you know, kind of explore it a little. Like, sit in it a little bit.

Dan Whaley:

You know?

Crystal:

Mhmm. So my question actually directly related to the story you just told. So the question that so you were talking about how you were in the car, and you knew you were driving to the store to make a choice that probably wasn't gonna benefit you. And we're talking about discipline. So when you're in that situation and you have that precipice where you're like, I could turn around and go back home or I could keep driving to the grocery store, what when you're in that moment, do you think that choosing the opposite of what you're supposed to do is almost a little bit of, like, not loving yourself?

Crystal:

Because what is it that's making you because, yes, we talked about we're we're band aiding it. We're kinda covering up what are the root causes of what that's really bothering us. But there's something within, like, that knowing. Like, you know you probably shouldn't.

Eric:

Mhmm.

Crystal:

I've been there. Yeah. And and and you still do it because it feels comfortable. It's like, I I get the quick fix. But what would you if you were to dive into, like, that moment

Dan Whaley:

Yeah.

Crystal:

What would you say?

Dan Whaley:

For me, personally, it was because I felt I was not worthy of success. So I think going back into, like, kind of what we talked about towards the beginning of this podcast was you have this narrative that you create in your head. And for me, I felt, okay. I'm not worthy of success. So, like, what's the point?

Dan Whaley:

I might as well just go eat some cookies. You know? Might as well have that feeling of of of brief happiness. So it's it's it's like creating that story in your head of I am worthy. You know?

Dan Whaley:

And if you feel worthy, you're not going to want to go against your will or go against something that you know that you shouldn't be doing because you're like, this isn't going to bring me the success that I'm worthy of or that I'm capable of. So I think that's the first thing is, feeling like you deserve it, you know, and, like, owning that feeling. And that's that's what I kinda forgot the question, but that's that's what my answer is.

Crystal:

So to our audience, you are worthy and you are deserving.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. Absolutely.

Crystal:

Yeah. Absolutely. I I think I was just kind of trying to dissect what it is in that moment when we have that fork in the road.

Eric:

You're you're saying, like, you're you're are you denying yourself, like, your self love, I guess? Mhmm. If if but but I think Love,

Crystal:

orginess, and deserving, they're all kind of intertwined there.

Dan Whaley:

Still fits for sure.

Eric:

I guess, you know, the it it's sort of like a certain it's like a negative desire, I guess. And and I guess the is it I guess it's almost like an addiction, I guess.

Crystal:

Short term.

Eric:

Right? Like a really short term addiction where it's, like, it's compulsive. And I don't know if they know it's not really, like, loving yourself. I guess you have to kinda, like, def I don't really know how to define that that that really. So I don't I don't think it's really it's it's denying yourself, loving yourself.

Crystal:

Too. I mean, they get addicted I mean, there's a component of the worthiness and deserving, and and I think it probably does stem from, you know, your relationship with yourself.

Eric:

Right. Yeah. Yeah. And so yeah. I guess that that's how those things kinda, like, get get started, right, I suppose.

Eric:

It's like, if if you get if if you're getting addicted to something, then, you know, it started somewhere. Yeah. Usually, it's probably gonna start from some place negative, or like you said, like, some kind of comfort re related thing. So that's why I think people get addicted to food a lot too. And and they

Crystal:

not as looked bad on. It's like, oh, well, you could be doing worse.

Eric:

Yeah. Yeah. Well, they might I think somebody might even justify it that way. We're like, well, I could be doing drugs. I could be doing meth or whatever it might be.

Eric:

Right? Like, who

Crystal:

cares if it's my thirty seventh soda for the day? Yes. Exactly. Who cares?

Dan Whaley:

It's an addiction nonetheless.

Eric:

Right. Right.

Dan Whaley:

And I think, like, for me as a former addict, I I was addicted because I loved being in control. And whenever I would use a substance, I was like, oh, okay. Like, how can I control this? You know? Like, how can I control the way that I am on this?

Dan Whaley:

And then I wouldn't be able to, like, say if I, you know, smoked some weed or something like that and I munched out. The next day, I would want to be like, oh, man. Like, I'm so upset that I munched out. Like, okay. I'm gonna try this again.

Dan Whaley:

I'm gonna see if I can control it this time. You know? And then I wouldn't. And then it would just be that, like, repetitive cycle of, like, okay. I wanna be in control.

Dan Whaley:

I wasn't in control. Let me try and be in control again. And then you try it again. And I think that's when you start, like, forming that addiction because you're like you know that it's not going to happen, but you continue to try to make it happen and expect a different outcome.

Crystal:

And there's a chemical, like, a chemical reaction within our body too that we're also fighting against as well. Right. Yeah. Mhmm.

Eric:

Yeah. Yeah. You get, like, a your body kinda develops, like, a need for for for for, whatever those substances are or whatever it is that you're It

Crystal:

can be other things too. It could be addicted to negative talk. It could be addicted to there's a lot of things that we can shift, like addicted to thinking my business is gonna fail. There's there's

Eric:

You know, there's it's interesting you mentioned that. Yeah. Like, with with the with the talk. That's something I've I I know I've, really actually, somewhat recently, really been, like, retraining my my brain. I've I've I've done some reprograms and such too on this, like, that that that negative talk there.

Eric:

But but it's almost more in, like, a frustration a little bit. And it's this negative talk, and sometimes it's hours like, oh,

Dan Whaley:

you know, why did this person do that

Eric:

and, you know, or why did they do this? And it's they might I don't even necessarily know them. It's just like, I'm just frustrated that this thing is happening, right, or whatever whatever it might it might be. And but there's a certain and there's a certain, like, comfort in that. Like you mentioned, there's a certain, like, comfort in that even though it's negative.

Eric:

And and I know it's not good. I know that that's not a good thing to do. So we it's like we have this we have this sense of recognition where we kind of know that this isn't good for us, but we still kind of do it anyway. So there's that discipline on, like, on on just starting, I guess, like, building that dis that muscle discipline to, to to to kind of overcome those those things that we inherently, I think, know are negative or bad for us.

Crystal:

Let's be real. In today's world, we've got a whole bunch of things that people are working against. I mean, we've got the politics. We've got, like, the climate. I mean, San Diego or in California, we were dealing with these wildfires.

Crystal:

Like, there's a lot of things that trigger people. And when you're triggered, you like, you we talked about earlier, you're not acting in your authentic energy. So I think, like, what coach said is taking those little steps and make sure that you remain that who you really wanna be. It's like, who am I today? When you journal and you start your morning and you're like, this is me.

Crystal:

I'm showing up.

Eric:

Yeah.

Crystal:

And then and then it would take someone a lot stronger than you to throw that off of you. But if you wake up and you're, like, groggy and you're just rolling out of bed and Yeah. Showing up.

Dan Whaley:

Turning on turning on the news and you see all these negative news stories and then you Yeah. That's one thing that I try to avoid is the news, because I'm like, it's so sad, you know? And I'm like, I got enough things to be sad about. I don't need other things in my life, and and I feel it too. So I think, like, looking at our you know, like, what's around us, you know, and something that I heard the other day is, like, we're a product of the five closest people to us.

Dan Whaley:

Yep. And that's so true as well. Yep. You know? It's like, I I don't I don't wanna be that person that I used to be.

Dan Whaley:

So I'm surrounding myself with Eric Beals, Crystal Privette, you know, people that are

Crystal:

Let's go, coach.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. People that are people that are positive and loving, and then that's that's another great thing about BNI as well. Like, if you're just looking for positivity in your life, join a BNI chapter. And if your BNI chapter is not that, maybe start looking for a new one because it's it's it's amazing what just being surrounded by other individuals that are speaking life into you, it's amazing what that will do for you. And starting your day like that, oh my goodness.

Dan Whaley:

It goes back to, like, how energized we feel after our in person meetings and whatnot because everybody in the chapter is speaking life into you. They're like, I'm so excited to see your business grow. I'm so excited to see you grow. Like, you're amazing. You're gonna do great things.

Dan Whaley:

And you're like, me? Like, are you sure? And they're like, yeah. You're great.

Crystal:

I saw it this week with, Grant doctor, Garrett Grant. He has he's a fairly new member and a lot of people, like, gave comments to him this week. And I saw him in his chair and he sat back and he's, like, had this smile on. And I was like, I was like, that is so great because people need to have, you know, a lot of times as an entrepreneur, it is very isolating. You feel like you're taking on all of the weight of the world and you're like, oh, how am I gonna carry all this?

Crystal:

But that's what I love about BNI. Well, I just had to bring up that moment because it's so great. Recognition.

Dan Whaley:

Mhmm. Right? Like being recognized, being seen, being heard. You're like, okay, I can do this, you know? And if we don't have that, if we're in even a small chapter of five people, it's like, you know, maybe maybe we don't have that same level of recognition or being seen, things like that.

Dan Whaley:

So I I love how big our chapter is, and because you you get that true energy from multiple sources, and you just like, alright. Hype me up some more, guys. I love this. You know?

Crystal:

Yeah. There's a saying I tell my kids. It's, if you wanna have a good friend, you have to be a good friend.

Dan Whaley:

Mhmm.

Crystal:

And so I think that even if you were in a small chapter with five people and your chapter was struggling, I would suggest, like, just being that person,

Dan Whaley:

like Yeah.

Crystal:

Being the first one, taking that, like, high road to maybe do one to one with everyone in the group or or lift someone up or support someone in some way.

Dan Whaley:

Mhmm.

Crystal:

Yeah. And I agree with you. I love our big chapter. It's so fun to that energy in the morning and the rumble. I literally have to have a megaphone to get everyone, settled down in the morning, but, it's it is a great group.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Eric:

Yeah. Yeah. The it it it it it that's especially important, I think, for, like, new members too. Right? Because I I mean, when I first came to Vena, I was like, you know, I was it's intimidating.

Eric:

It is intimidating, especially a big chapter when there's a lot of people Mhmm. Too. And then, you know, you're asked to speak for thirty seconds. Actually, in our chapter, thirty seconds. I think smaller chapters, they use sixty seconds.

Eric:

Right? So that might that could be even more intimidating in that case. In front of, you know, thirty, forty, 50 people, everyone's staring at you. That's an intimidating thing if you haven't done that before. Yeah.

Eric:

Right? And I think a lot of people are they're not used to doing that. I think probably most people. But

Crystal:

We had a visitor that was from BNI United that was at our chapter, and she said they had, like, I think, 18 in her group, and she was like, I get nervous just, like, presenting for that group. Like, this group was like, woah. But you could also see she was energized by it. Yeah. Like, yeah.

Crystal:

It's sometimes we don't know we're in a comfort zone, and all of a sudden we're like, oh, wait. I I can there's more. Like, there is so many more levels of where we can hit.

Dan Whaley:

I still get nervous presenting my thirty second commercials. I'm like, I see my turn coming. My hand starts sweating a little bit. I'm like, oh my god. I gotta speak in front of people now.

Dan Whaley:

And it's it's always well received. And that's I think it's really important. It's just, no one no one has ever come out to be like, man, your commercials suck today. Yeah. Right.

Dan Whaley:

You know? And it's it was always like if I was really nervous, like, oh, man, my commercial's gonna suck today. It was always the opposite. Everybody comes up, great commercial today, my dad. I'm like, thanks.

Dan Whaley:

Didn't feel the same, but, you know, I'm happy that you told

Eric:

me that. I remember one time that I felt like that in my I was like, that was a horrible commercial. It was terrible, and I got the trophy. And I was like, what? Shows me in my head.

Eric:

I didn't reveal I didn't, like, show this in my head. I'm like, really? You picked me for the trophy lair? Like, I was like, alright. Maybe I'm I was and I realized I was like, maybe it was better than I thought.

Eric:

I guess it was enough. I felt like it was bad, but But oftentimes, you know, I I I think a lot of that that that too is again, it's just building the muscle. You just kinda get used to it, and you get, you I mean, it builds your you build you build confidence with it too, and then that that helps overcome that that, that that fear. Mhmm.

Crystal:

You actually came up in conversation the other day, Eric, about this exact same thing about, giving those presentations and how at the beginning, you you your hands were sweating like coach, and you were, like, really nervous. And and now look at you. You're the vice president.

Eric:

Yeah. And, honestly, that did that helped actually too. Like, Nat, like, you know, it used to be where I would spend, like, quite a bit of time. And and this is actually probably still good to do. I just don't necessarily as much anymore.

Eric:

So maybe this is a little bit of a a backslide in terms of, like, commercial quality, I suppose. But I used to spend a lot more time on on commercials, so I could, like

Crystal:

Preparation.

Eric:

Preparation, get a relation. And I'd be super nervous throughout it and such too. But now I'm doing, like, VP work. So in the meeting, I'm then I'm like, oh, my my commercial's going on. I just kind of go and say something or whatever whatever it is.

Eric:

But I don't have that that that that anxiety like I like I used to. And I think a lot of that just just takes what comes with, with just experience in building building the muscle. That being said, you should still prep prepare for for these things. You can, you know, to kinda like like the strategy behind developing a, a commercial and developing what your ask is and such too. Being specific.

Eric:

Being specific. Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

And Something that I always, try to prepare for is is a quote that someone told me whenever I'm, like, doing some sort of marketing is join the conversation in their head and then finish the sentence. So if you can, like, whatever you're doing, if you can, you know, join the conversation and the person that you're speaking about, if you can join their conversation there because they're telling themselves something. That's probably why Eric got the trophy during a commercial where he didn't feel like it was the best commercial because the trophy, you know, the, whoever picked you for the trophy was probably going through something and you spoke about whatever it is that they were thinking about.

Eric:

Oh, that's that's a huge part of it, dude. The the timing of it too.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. And then you finish the sentence. You're like, if you feel this way, like, I do feel that way, then you should do x, y, and z. And they're like, oh my gosh. That's exactly what I needed to hear today.

Dan Whaley:

I'm gonna give the trophy to Eric. So join the conversation in their head and then finish the sentence. And I think that's, like, one of the best marketing strategies that you can that you can have for your commercials.

Crystal:

It's called mirroring, and we actually have mirror neurons. So it's interesting because if you watch people and if you sit like like coaches sitting the same way I'm sitting right now, sometimes there's subtle body languages where if you want someone to feel comfortable around you, copy their body language.

Eric:

Mhmm.

Crystal:

That's it's it's making if they're talking in a certain tone, match the tone. Like, there's certain ways that we can, yeah, make people

Dan Whaley:

go in That's so funny that you say that because I was just talking to, I forget who it was, but it's a it was a new member, and they were going through, like, the training, like, the, I forget what it was called, but every new member has to do, like, the

Eric:

The MSP?

Dan Whaley:

The MSP training. And some of the training was I did mine online. Mhmm. So some of the training was if you see, like, how to approach people in a networking event.

Eric:

And if

Dan Whaley:

you see someone that's arms crossed, you know, and they're directly facing the other person and the other person has their arms crossed, that's not a conversation that you want to go and and interrupt. Oh, I thought

Eric:

you were about to say you should go up there and go across your arms.

Dan Whaley:

I'm crossing. I know. You start looking there in the eye.

Eric:

I know. Yeah. Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

But if you see someone that is, like, you know, hands down, they're kind of cambered, and they're talking to someone else who's kind of cambered, and they're, like, leaving a space open, then that's a conversation that you can go and kind of insert insert yourself in. And that's something that I take note whenever I'm going to a networking event. I'm always the person that'd be like, okay. They look like they're pretty serious right now. Like, I'm not gonna be like, hey, I'm

Eric:

Dan. You know? And, like, go up

Dan Whaley:

there and, you know, like, interject. But if someone is, like, you know, kind of leaning on their chair and they kinda feel like they're, like, opening the scene, then, like, okay, cool. Like, that's an opportunity that you can go and introduce yourself because they're opening subconsciously, right, through their body language, like Crystal was saying. They're leaving that door open for someone else to come and join them.

Crystal:

Exactly.

Dan Whaley:

And I think that was one of the most powerful things that I learned through that training was just, like, recognizing the conversation, recognizing the body language, and then understanding what that what that means. Mhmm. And that's been powerful for networking because there's so many times where I feel so nervous going to a networking event that I know nobody there. And the first person the first thing that I do is I look for I'm like, okay. Who can I make friends with?

Dan Whaley:

Like, where where's my, like, where's my,

Eric:

my guiding light? We're someone we're someone we're someone that, I guess, you're looking for who's gonna be an easy person for me to initially connect with.

Dan Whaley:

Right.

Eric:

Like and you're kinda looking for that person. Yes. And, you know, you can just kinda spot them.

Dan Whaley:

Yes.

Eric:

Right? There's certain people I there I you know, there's certain people that I'll see for those, and then you'll you'll just get a sense. Like, it seems like I could probably connect with that person. No. That's a great, like, conscious, like, strategy to do to kind of you know?

Eric:

Because that that's been my nervousness all the time going to new networking groups is like, I'm not gonna know anybody and all that stuff too. And I'm like, how do I start a conversation

Dan Whaley:

and all that stuff. Right? And it's what I found, as soon as you find that person, one, your walls come down a little bit, and then it allows other people to recognize that, okay. These two people are friendly because they're having laughs and conversation, and they wanna be a part of that. And then now you just opened yourself to invite other people in, and then now you're shaking hands with maybe your next best referral partner.

Eric:

Mhmm.

Dan Whaley:

But that would have never have happened if you didn't first read the body language. You'd be like, you. I wanna talk to you, you know, and and go straight up to him and be like, hey. I'm Dan. I go, what do you do?

Dan Whaley:

You know? And it's so easy to just ask that first question, and then boom, now you're just in conversation.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

You know? But it's that initial, like, reading the room because there's so many times where you see people closed off and you're like, nope, not them. And then you look elsewhere, Oh, no. Not them. And then now you're just doing now you're just hugging the wall.

Eric:

The lone wolf guy. And you know what? To kind of, like, tie that back to kind of, like, our earlier conversation at the beginning of the episode too is if you show up if you're on that the receiving end of somebody doing what you're doing, like, looking for somebody to to connect with, but you show up and and, you know, your arms crossed because you have you know, you had a a bad morning. You didn't start you didn't prepare enough. Right?

Eric:

You show up. And now, you know, you don't necessarily know that you're on that that receiving end, but maybe you would have had somebody talk talk to you if you had a more positive demeanor, I guess, about you. Right? And so that's why it's I think that's why it's so important just to kind of prepare everything, like, what your, I guess, what your next day is gonna be or kind of start your day off right, because it's all gonna kind of it's like a it's it's like a snowball effect, I guess. Right?

Eric:

You started off and it kinda just kind of keeps building throughout the whole day.

Crystal:

Either positive or negative. Yeah.

Eric:

Yeah. Both. It's it's it's like a negative snowball or a positive snowball. Which one are you gonna kinda choose? Right?

Dan Whaley:

Yeah.

Eric:

And and so that's why it is it is, so important to kind of open yourself up in that in that way, in that positive because no one really wants to kinda come up and talk to somebody, especially a new person.

Dan Whaley:

Face. That's it. Yeah.

Eric:

Right. I mean, the perfect people that are gonna come come up to you are gonna be, like, people that know you. But, like, are you okay? Like, you'll you're getting enough you're getting enough strong negative vibes right now. So it's gonna be someone who who who maybe cares about you.

Eric:

Right? And so but,

Dan Whaley:

I actually I actually have a question on this topic right now. So say you do that. Say you have your morning routine

Eric:

Mhmm.

Dan Whaley:

You know, and and and your day is going great, and then something happens, and then now your day is going bad because we're gonna have bad days. We can't we can't hide from that. We can't run from that. So maybe my question is for Crystal here. So say you're doing that, right, and now you're having a bad day, but you got this networking event that you need to go to tonight.

Dan Whaley:

And you're sitting in your car and you're like, oh, man. I don't wanna be here. I don't wanna go in there. Maybe I should just leave. What can you do in that moment?

Dan Whaley:

For me, it's breath work. You know? Like, like, I need to get myself back just centered. Is there are there any tips for someone that, you know, other than, like, take a couple deep breaths? Everybody knows that.

Dan Whaley:

What can you do if you're start your day off good, you're doing everything right, but, man, you just really just had a bad day, and you have somewhere to go, somewhere to be that requires you to be positive mental mentally, emotionally, physically?

Crystal:

Great question. Loving it. So I guess I would kind of reframe myself of, like, asking myself what I was trying to accomplish if I was in a good mood. So say you're in that car and you're wanting to go into the meeting, but you're kind of psyching yourself out. Definitely reminding yourself what it is that you would like to achieve when you met like, obviously, you have a purpose that you want to go.

Crystal:

Is that purpose gonna outweigh what's holding you back? So for you, breathing seems to be something that helps you. That is a really good thing because you're getting the oxygen to the brain and really, like, opening up those neurons. But, crossing your hands, like in prayer, and then crossing your ankles and taking three deep breaths will help actually sync up your left and right hemisphere. And by doing that, you're gonna get your left and right components of your brain to have more coherence.

Eric:

Mhmm.

Crystal:

So by doing that, it will actually allow you to be feeling more like yourself, not feeling quite as thrown off. And then, that brain coherence when you do that, you're able to the left and the right brain can actually speak to one another. Because when we go through stressful situations and we have hardship in life, there's, if you've seen a brain, there's like that butt crack down the middle. Mhmm. There's a really thick nerve ending group called the corpus callosum.

Crystal:

Over stress, time, age, traumatic experiences, that actually gets, like, really hard and rigid. So when you have that hard, rigid, component there, that means that the left and right part of your brain aren't actually talking to one another. So going into that relaxed state of breathing or that relaxed state where you've got your hands crossed, it will get that to open up. So then you can actually kind of ask yourself, okay. Now that I'm, like, recalibrated, what do I wanna achieve?

Crystal:

Is it worth my time and effort? And like both of you said, most of the time, when you push past it, you're like, oh, there was a reason why.

Eric:

Mhmm.

Crystal:

Like, I really like, there was a gem behind what was holding me back. If I didn't go, I would have really missed out.

Dan Whaley:

Mhmm.

Crystal:

So And you know alignment.

Eric:

And starting your day off in a in a in a proper way, like like, writing the what what you're grateful for, I think those things help you through those moments later on in the day. Or you started your if you yeah. It's an anchor for the rest of the day. Mhmm. And so it it makes doing those those things and overcoming those things, or those moments later on in the day easier or easier to place yourself to take those breaths, to consciously take take those those rests.

Eric:

Or maybe, you know, if you showed up, you really didn't wanna go. If you didn't start your day off good, you might just you know what? Forget it. Screw it. I'm gonna head back home.

Crystal:

Yep.

Eric:

Right? And then but if you did start off your day off day off right now, you can maybe overcome that a better. So I think that's I think that's one of the reasons it's it's so important to start your day off, in in that that personal self development, whatever that kind of looks like for you. Maybe it's working out for some people. I don't know.

Eric:

Whatever that might be.

Crystal:

Heard about, like, having a morning routine until I was an adult. I know I didn't grow up in an environment where I really I guess my stepdad did have a morning routine. I just didn't really realize it until, you know, as an adult, you're like

Eric:

No one talks to you.

Crystal:

You become more purposeful

Eric:

Yeah.

Crystal:

In in your life.

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. My morning routine as a child was wake up and rush out the door. Yeah. That's all I ever knew was, like, oh my god. We're late for school, this, that, and then it's, like, my day always started with stress.

Dan Whaley:

Uh-huh. And it was always starting, like, up here, high octane. Like, you get to school and, like, you're you're sweating, you know, and, like, yeah.

Eric:

Well, that's why I ditched, you know, like, alarm alarms. I'm very particular with my alarm clocks because they I'm, like, if it's it needs to start quiet and gentle. If it's like a blaring thing, oh, boy. I am gonna smash that thing because I'm gonna be pissed off.

Crystal:

Oh, no. Welcome to fatherhood coming out.

Eric:

Well, yeah. See, the difference the difference on that the difference on that is I'm, like, mentally preparing myself now. Right.

Dan Whaley:

And You'll have purpose.

Eric:

Right. Exactly. And and, you know, with, like, an alarm clock is is, is, you know, it's like, I just need wanna make sure that I wake up. I do not wanna I don't need this if it can be avoided. If it can be avoided, give me the the the peaceful the peaceful full wake up.

Eric:

Yes.

Crystal:

We're gonna program you whenever you hear a baby cry, then it's like, oh, love.

Eric:

Yeah. Love. Yeah. Amazing. The love language.

Eric:

Liar. I love it. But, yeah. Well, this has this has been a really fun episode. This Yeah.

Eric:

I think, you know, all these things are very, like, I think, foundational stuff for, that Personal success as well as business success. Uh-huh. Personal success.

Dan Whaley:

And not just new b I think we've I think we've talked a lot about new BNI members today, but this goes for

Eric:

Yeah.

Dan Whaley:

Tenured BNI members as well. You know? Even the veterans, you know, fifteen years into the game, like, we They're

Crystal:

seasoned folks. Yeah. We

Dan Whaley:

have Right.

Crystal:

17 year old or seventeen years that

Dan Whaley:

Veterans. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, this is like there's steps for everybody, you know? And and, if you practice it, you stay prepared, and you have a great mental outlook, you stay positive, and and, you know, ground yourself in purpose Mhmm.

Dan Whaley:

You're you're gonna be just fine.

Eric:

Yeah. Well, so, with that said, Dan, if if somebody wanted to get in get in contact with you, how would they best do that?

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. So the best way would be through social media. I'm on every platform, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, TikTok, and that would be coach Dan Whaley, across all platforms. Or you can just search my my name, Dan Whaley, w h a l e y. Or if you don't have any social media, which some people don't, I I I I value that.

Dan Whaley:

That's amazing. You can email me, coachdanwhaley@gmail.com.

Crystal:

Or you don't just live?

Dan Whaley:

Yeah. So Thrive Coaching Academy is our business and our tagline, where you don't just live, you thrive. You thrive.

Eric:

Nice. That's right. Nice. Wow. So if you are listening to this episode and and you feel inspired, from this episode, maybe you I, would be shocked if you don't know somebody who is maybe in some self sabotage or is, they're they're not maybe you kinda just get a sense they're not that well disciplined and and they need to see you.

Eric:

Maybe it's a biz it's a b and I fellow b and I member. Send them this, this podcast episode. I think it's something that could, really help them get alignment. And, you know, this is how we we share we grow the show, and this is how we, you know, help our fellow BNI members is helping, educate them in whatever way that they need they need help with. And so, yeah, share that share this episode with them.

Eric:

I think they'll be very grateful. Well and this, will conclude this episode. And so thank you guys so much for listening, and we'll we'll see you in the next episode.

Crystal:

Don't forget to log your single CEU. See you next time. Thank you for joining us for the Business Boost Hour. My name is Crystal Pravitt, and this is Eric Beals. Thank you for joining us, and don't forget to document your single CEU.

Crystal:

See you next time.

Dan Whaley:

See you

Eric:

in the next episode.

Creators and Guests

Crystal Privett
Host
Crystal Privett
Owner of Mindset Services & Mind Reprogramming Coach
LinkedIn Website Link
Eric Beels
Host
Eric Beels
Podcaster, Podcaster Manager, Technical Director. Truth advocate and free-speech supporter. Analyst and systems guy. Our God-Given verse: Acts 1:7-8
X Website Link
Amber Beels
Producer
Amber Beels
Creative Director at DifMix Productions | Producer for Business Boost Hour
Website Link
Melissa Velazquez
Editor
Melissa Velazquez
Lead Podcast Editor at DifMix Productions
19. Discipline: The Key to Overcoming Self-Sabotage with Dan Whaley

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